Don't Try
The backwards way of getting what you want
Perhaps you’ve seen it yourself or had it happen to you. Right when you get to the point of breaking, then break and cry, suddenly the gates for what you want open. Naturally, there are exceptions like depressive episodes and such. Yet it prevails.
Those who don’t try to get what they want.
It sounds backward because it is from what we (in the US) are told. We’re told if we work hard enough, we’ll get what we want. Yet, many people strive for what they want and can’t get it. Work is needed. I’m not going to deny that.
Despite this, effort isn’t always the key to success.
The law of reversed effort (aka the backward law) explains this as the more we try, the worse our situation gets. When we don’t try, the better it gets. There are times to act, times to work, and times to put in effort. But sometimes, these things won’t help us.
This phenomenon is best seen when pursuing goals such as happiness.
“Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a positive experience,” Mark Manson explains in his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.
While it appears that wanting a positive experience would be a good thing, it isn’t. This thinking keeps you focused on the negative: that you are missing something or someone. The more we want happiness, the more we realize our unhappiness. Then, we become even more unhappy.
Whereas accepting a negative experience focuses on the positives. We become content (not complacent) with our circumstances. Our happiness multiplies. It’s no longer an ever-elusive state.
Caveat: there are times you’re in an abusive situation & need to focus on it to get out of it. We’re talking generalized here.
While this has happened in many areas of my life, my writing and art have been the biggest shifts I’ve noticed.
Many moons ago, I joined an online community of writers on a platform called Amino. I wanted to share my writing, get feedback, and, ultimately, be told I could become a good writer. I had a strong need for external validation.
I graduated with an English minor. Most of my writing had few, if any, grammatical and spelling errors. I spent hours combing through my writing for every conceivable error. I rewrote sentences, did multiple spelling checks, and ran it through Grammarly at the end.
When I posted my work, I had high hopes that it would garner a good amount of likes, a few comments, and maybe even a feature (be shown on the front page of the community for a small amount of time). I did, on occasion, get a feature from the mods.
Yet the likes and comments stayed few.
So, I took it upon myself to enter the community’s contests. One after another, I saw other writers win the first, second, and third prizes. When I read their work, I was confused. Most of it was emotionally intriguing but had error upon error.
Some writers didn’t capitalize letters in their poems “for the aesthetics.”
I didn’t get it. A few people would comment they liked my entries, and I made a few friends. Despite this, I became more and more determined to win. I tried to put creative spins on the prompt, doubled down on my edits, and focused solely on winning.
I still didn’t win. I garnered a few second and third places. Stumped with my writing, I took up an admin opening instead. I created many friendships, some of which I keep in contact with. However, I lost more and more time to write. I didn’t enter contests. I made them. I shared my writing once in a blue moon.
All the admins liked each other’s writing, so they did feature my posts, just as I would feature theirs. I stepped up to one of the leadership positions after a year. Within another year, drama ensued.
To keep it short, the head leader (the original creator of the community) started little things that became bigger issues. My friends and I were drained of our mental and emotional energy. We left one by one, mine being one of the few peaceful ones.
It felt like a load had been lifted off my chest. I dove back into writing. This time, I wasn’t focusing on winning any contest. I only entered if the prompts inspired me. I didn’t worry about getting featured. I wasn’t trying to accomplish anything.
I only wanted to write.
Features, likes, comments, and first places stacked into my lap. There were still times my writing didn’t get as much traction. None of my writing was perfectly on par with published writers. Yet, people enjoyed it.
And I created some of my best work.
When I jumped back into creating art, I had trouble. I desired a nearly perfect outcome from the start. My hand faltered. My crisp lines turned into unhinged ones. I’d hit a wall. I shoved my iPad away from me, upset.
One week later, I drew a cat. I knew I needed it to be Halloween-themed. I gave it a third eye and settled on a simple pattern. I didn’t try for any guaranteed outcome. I just drew the cat. Lo and behold, I created one of the most popular prints I’d made.
In the words of Yoda, do or do not. There is no try.
Trying digs a useless whole. It overthinks, overanalyzes, and reminds you of everything you’re not. Instead, do the thing. Draw a cat. Compose a song. Craft a poem. Write a story.
Stop getting caught up in being the best artist, the most famous musician, or a New York Times Bestselling Author. Focus on creating. Envelop yourself in the process. And, for the love of everything good, turn off your editor brain until it’s time to edit.
Wishing you all the best time doing,
Ada
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